As I lie down in the bath, I am writing the welcome post to introduce you into my world.
A much needed bath, I must add, with bubbles and epsom salts to relax my muscles* in between a 13 hour shift at the restaurant yesterday and another 6-9 hour shift this evening. I am reminded as the water fills up around me to let my everyday worries float off my body. This
time is for peace. This time is calm. This is now.
I, as most adults do, frequently live in a constant state of panic. Either panic that something is happening to quickly or not happening at all, panic that I’m not good enough for this or too good for that. I panic when I notice myself not panicking enough because I feel something is bound to blow up in my face, as it always has in the past.
There are things in my life that always seem to break that internal feeling of frenzy. One being bubble baths. Now I’ve taken baths without bubbles… doesn’t work, I just get antsy and let the water drain before the feeling is gone. Another activity that removes the panic is laughter. Whether that is laughing myself, causing laughter in others or just hearing someone laugh. Movies are another big one, specifically Disney movies and Superhero movies. Something about the heroes journey in both of these specific style of movies causes me to not only lose the panic but often lose myself in the movie. The last thing that just causes the sensation of worry to subside is creating, and it’s with that, that I found the pattern.
As I stated before, “I, as most adults do, frequently live in a constant state of panic.” The cause is becoming an adult. Now most of us don’t have Neverland, Fairy Dust or contact info to great AND cheap plastic surgeons, to keep us children forever. But the moments for me that remove my worry and panic are the ones that remove my adulthood. Bubble baths, Disney movies, laughter and creating things out of nothing. Creating, whether its on a scrap piece of paper or the latest edition of Adobe Illustrator reminds me of the feelings I had while creating my own make believe universe, secret bases made completely of lego, or as simple as drawing something that my parents wanted to hang on the fridge. These little things are what remove the pain and panic of my everyday life and let me just enjoy the moment I’m in, even if it’s just that one moment, as I did years ago.
These moments in my life are needed, but so are the panic. Like when I forget to pay my phone bill, the panic that I won’t be connected to my life pushes me to pay the goddamn phone bill. Or the panic I have before a first date reminds me that I’m not a narcissistic sociopath with an ego the size or Uranus or mine, whichever is bigger.
I need both in balance with eachother to advance my life to where I want it to go but to also enjoy the journey of getting there. I just find the panic-ridden adult Knox pushes the care-free child Knox aside more often then he’d like.
So starting up what ever this (KnoxAdams.com) is to you and, more importantly, to me, is my way of making my own universe in which I can both be the very best, like no one ever was with healthy panic of a functioning adult and enjoy the ride by constantly creating and inventing new ways to rid myself of said panic even for a moment or two, like a fun-loving tot.
Well that’s gunna be it for now. Hopefully I’ll write something else here. Probably about hot guys or Pokémon.
Without a doubt,